Do you have right wing politics, no old problematic tweets and lots of free time? Governor Glenn Youngkin might have the job for you!
Youngkin is looking for a hardworking, dedicated, pro-life, anti-mask student who is willing to be paid less than minimum wage for long hours working with the Governor as Chief Social Media Manager. Must have an entrepreneurial spirit – i.e. a die-hard capitalist – and a positive attitude – i.e. be willing to work more and get paid less. This person should be willing to go the extra mile to provide content to the Commonwealth. Students from the University’s Frank Batten School of Leadership and Public Policy will be given preference, thanks to Frank Batten Jr.’s kind contribution of $20,000 to the campaign.
Following a recent scandal that involved tweeting a picture of a minor – and directing attacks against him – we here at the Virginia Governor’s Office want to take a closer look at what we post on our networks. social and the response it might elicit.
For example, for Valentine’s Day, one of Youngkin’s minions, I mean interns, created a hilarious meme of him eating candy with the caption “Be my green M&M this Valentine’s Day?” Sadly, that message didn’t go over well, as much of Youngkin’s fan base found it offensive to bring up the now unobjectified chocolate. In another instance, when Youngkin claimed we had struck “comedy gold,” we shared a vlog-style clip of him “Making Pasta Great Again,” in which Youngkin spoke in a Mario accent the whole time. time. Needless to say, this got a lot of negative attention from Italian restaurateurs in the state.
Our team briefly posted a photo of Youngkin when he was in college, but had to take it down before it went viral because you can just make out a banner in the background that says “Party Like It’s 1860!”
In what we thought would not upset a single voter, we posted a photo of Youngkin with his father. However, within hours, the people of Virginia revolted after discovering that Glenn Youngkin’s father was actually playing basketball at the now disgraced Duke University.
That position will be filled by someone who agrees to sign a nondisclosure agreement and dox anyone who criticizes the Youngkin administration. Get ready with new ideas for revamping our brand and dated ideas on literally everything else!
A good member of our team looks like a younger version of Youngkin, or one of the blonde Fox News anchors. No exceptions.
The wardrobe should be casual, but able to hit the golf course to attract donors – did you know that Amazon invested $125,000 in our campaign?! In addition to a base salary of $4.50/hr, all new hires receive a $100 gift card to Vineyard Vines to kick off their sweater vest collection.
Skills should include Microsoft Paint, spinning liberal narratives, and kissing.
Please submit your resume, transcript and cover letter. If your transcript includes courses that can be construed as “critical race theory,” such as Intro to American History, there is no need to apply. However, if you have met the honor committee, your candidacy may be advanced, as lying, cheating and theft are crucial parts of any government office.
On behalf of the Office of the Governor of Virginia, we look forward to your application and service. Glenn Youngkin looks forward to getting to know you and using your work.